Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
