omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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