I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
