Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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