god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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