I want to make a zoo with you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Randomize
