are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
