my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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