Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
