You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
My legs feel like baby dolphins
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
