1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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