what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
