you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
