That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
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