Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
