Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I deserve this hangover.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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