i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
