So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
