He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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