Don't you send me to vm
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
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