just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
