I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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