'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
