If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
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