After last night, I could never be a politician.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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