when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
