Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
