if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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