she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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