last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
We're too hungover to prance.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
