I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
