Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My first STD was from a foam party
Need sex. Gaining weight.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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