i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
