i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
