hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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