I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
