What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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