So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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