I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
