Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
