Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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