just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
