Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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