theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
