I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
