If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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