I think my vagina is haunted
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
