you guys were way drunker than both of me
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
