I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
