he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
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